"Before all else, be armed" - Niccolo Machiavelli

In my Feb 19 post, I wrote about the dangers of dressing better than your off-the-rack boss. However, there is always a caveat.

If you just can't help yourself and want to wear those killer pumps or Armani tie, then do so strategically. 

When you essentially know you have one foot in the employment grave as I always did with with my idiot boss "GW", I began throwing caution to the wind like Capote threw down drinks and witty repartee.

First you must carefully assess your boss's deficiencies. After having done this, then you need to pick and choose your attire appropriately for battle.

To walk you through an example, let's take GW. Behind every cliche such as "dull as dishwater" is a grain or ocean of truth. She was the invisible woman. At high power meetings I watched as others looked and spoke through her. It was amazing. Of course once the meeting was done she would tear into the staff as a way to double check she was in charge. After years of her managerial-PMS, I had had enough.

GW was kankel queen with ortho shoes. (Fashion Note: If your coloring is just a little darker than oatmeal, don't buy matching mush colored shoes and clothes). 

I figured if I was going to go down, I'd do it looking good. First I brought out my killer kicks, my shoes were to die for: 3" and 4" pumps, open toe, pointy toe sling backs, and boots, I had them all and they made me feel great.

It didn't matter that I nearly crippled myself, it was worth it. The pain in my feet distracted me from the pain in my ass. Soon after the stiletto parade began, I noticed that GW was wearing a new pair of...wait for it...oatmeal colored open toe shoes! (Yes Virginia they still make them.) But the shoes were not enough, she was wearing them with nylons.

Things were going well, but not fast enough, I brought out the big guns: Accessories! Coach purses, sterling silver watch, and pearl necklaces, bracelets and earrings (borrowed from siblings, but G-idiot-W didn't need to know this). These, with all of their glorious sparkle, paled in comparison to one simple wooden, beaded bracelet.

Now why would this simple wooden bracelet make the KMart suits quiver? People are funny. When they don't know what something is and you're in an office, no one wants to ask what a possible religious object is. And boy, these white women didn't. 

My delicious sparkly accessories garnered a lot of envy and bitchy, back handed comments; and I loved every one of them. But the nail in their coffin was my Tibetan prayer bead bracelet. It was my amulet against their spirit sucking insanity. When I needed to go to that quite, mental place during a meeting, I would simply put my hands on the table, they would see the bracelet and their nervous, twitchy faces were all I needed to get me there.

Sometimes you don't need to drive a 4" stiletto into the heart of an incompetent boss, all you need is to play upon their igonrance and fear. Or you could do both, keep them on the ropes and have fun. I did.